Coming of Age Essay Draft: "Survive this"

I remember waking up on a cold september morning. My face was sticky from the tears I shed last night, I could hear the song "survive this" by shiny delacruz that was on repeat on my ipod, and my hair was such a tangle of mess. Checking my phone, there was not a single call or text from him. I threw my phone on the ground, hearing the piece cover and battery flying at different directions. I move my body to the side of my other pillow. My arms are holding the pillow tightly to my chest and I think about how i'll never have those "morning my sunshine" text messages and calls anymore. This was really it, it was really over between us. I never felt so hurt and broken in my life because of0. a guy. He was the first guy; the first guy I fell for, the first guy i said those 3 words too, and the first guy to ever break my heart. I wasn't prepared for this feeling at all. Who would be prepared when it came to your first breakup? I didn't want to move at all. All I did was lay on my bed, stare straight at the ceiling and feel the trail of tears crawl down to my neck.

He was one of those dreams that you wish would come true but would never happen; like winning the million dollar lottery or a kid in a candy store kind of dream. He has nice brown eyes, tall, clean shaven, the most seductive smile and he had a passion for basketball and dance. Besides the physique of this guy, he had brains, top in his class and had this great, upbeat personality. PERFECT, isn't he? I thought guys like him were impossible but my mind changed till I actually had him. He made me feel great about myself. He gave me a lot of support, showed that he truly cared and he never did pass by a moment that would make me smile or laugh. I know, a freshmen in highschool saying "i love you" but I really did mean it. You see, I have this different kind of definition of love. Having a good friendship, to truly care for someone, and to have this kind of connection you can't explain is my kind of LOVE. Saying I love you is a big coming of age process because this kind of love wasn't a parent/friend kind of love. Its love on bigger scale, someone of the oppostie sex, someone other than your dad or brother.

I feel that relationships and love is a big coming of age process. To be in relationships and to be in love you need to be emotionally/mentally ready, mature enough, and able to manage when the good and bad start to kick in. My first boyfriend and my first break up I was not ready AT ALL. But that just shows the coming of age process. I started off in my first relationship, not ready, not mature enough and definitely not prepared for the good and bad. I was caught up in how great it was to be in a relationship not knowing the worst was going to happen. The aftermath of the breakup was SUPER HARD. I cried 3 weeks straight and I did a lot of moping and wallowing around. But I knew I had to make things better for myself. I ran the block a lot because it felt refreshing to sweat off the pain and anger. I tried to eat healthier and made myself more occupied so I wouldn't think about what had happened. 2 months passed and my heart was finally healed but also changed in a way. I finally know how it feels to be in love and how if felt to have a break up. But now i'm more prepared and the next time i'm in a relationship and I say those 3 words I can take better care for myself and my feelings.